Counting firsts...

I remember when each of my children were born that started a new counting of firsts.  First smile, first time they roll over, first tooth, everytime something happened it went into the baby book of firsts.  It was such an exciting time in life and I loved every first.  But I also dreaded all the firsts because it meant that baby was growing up on me. 

Now its the opposite, I still count every first.  First weekend without him, first time doing bus ministry without him, first holiday, first birthday... But I dread the firsts now and I am glad when they are over because that means I don't ever have to have that first again. 

The month of November is chock full of firsts.  We have three birthdays this month, our anniversary and  Thanksgiving.  Maddie's birthday is first, we are celebrating this weekend.  I'm nervous about it. Just thinking about it sends me into an almost panic. I don't know who it's going to be harder on, Maddie or me.  I'm praying that it is me because I don't want her birthday to be forever marred by this one year.  

My birthday is right after Maddie's and then we have our anniversary, this year would be twelve years that we were married.  Then we have Thanksgiving, we always went to my Grandma's house and Joe ALWAYS carved the turkey.  The weekend after Thanksgiving we always went to St. Louis to spend the weekend with Joe's family at a hotel and celebrate our family Christmas with them.  Then is Melyssa's birthday, which we usually celebrated with Joe's family the weekend after Thanksgiving. 

So far none of the "firsts" have been as bad as I imagined they would be.  I spend a lot of time praying for strength before the firsts happen so I'm sure that is why they haven't been unbearable.  It never ceases to amaze me how faithful God is to hold us up when we ask Him to.  He has never left me to do any of this alone.  If it's giving me peace where there wouldn't be, or just by having someone send me a timely message on facebook or my phone.  I know that some of the people who have contacted me have been used by God because they said exactly what I needed to hear exactly when I needed to hear it.  People I have never met have contacted me and have said things that they couldn't have known were going through my head and then gave me a word of encouragement that I desperately needed.  I thank God for people who let God use them in this way.