A rough day

Today has been a rough day, I don't know why, it just has been.  I have cried all morning and felt sorry for myself.  I went to my room and just laid on the bed and cried my heart out.  Guess what...I feel better now.  Holding the tears in doesn't help me, it doesn't help my kids. Maddie saw me crying and she just came over and hugged me.  She didn't talk she just hugged me, she is like her dad that way.  I've been thinking wrong, I thought if my kids saw me cry they would feel more insecure and worried, but it didn't phase them.  They just went about their business. 

I have realized that some days are going to be better than others.  I'm going to have ups and downs and the downs are not going to be fun at all.  But in all of this I do have a choice...I can choose to let this get the best of me, or I can choose to do my crying and then get back to the business of living.  I can't just never cry, God gave us tears for a reason I'm sure.  But I can't just lay down and let life pass me by.  I have to do what I would want Joe to do if he were the one left to take care of the kids.  I've thought about that alot today.  I would want him to do his grieving but also to take care of the kids, make their meals, clean the house, do the schooling (which I still haven't started).  I'd want him to have fun with the kids.  I would want him to try to be happy and not to feel bad about it.   So that is what I must do, I have to do what I would want him to do. 

I'm going to miss him and I'm going to be sad sometimes, but as I heard at the ladies retreat....Life is for the living....