It’s been twelve years tomorrow since Joe had his heart attack. Twelve years since I heard his voice. My life has certainly changed in that time. I’ve remarried, had two more children. And I’ve most certainly aged!
I have been struggling the last few months and couldn’t really put a finger on why it’s been hard again until I started writing this post. He’s been gone now longer than we were married. My children have all been without him longer than they had him. Our children are almost grown. Our oldest Taylor (26) is married and Madi (22) is in a serious relationship and in college. Melyssa (18) is out of high school, working and trying to decide what she wants to do with her life. Tori (16) is a junior in high school, her personality is so different than when Joe was with us. Jonny (15) is a sophomore, he will be getting his license in January. He is 6’2, he looks and acts more like his dad than ever.
He has missed so much! They have missed so much! I hurt for him and for them. It hasn’t been easy, that is for sure. I’ve tried to keep his memory alive for our kids. For the youngest three, that’s all they have, stories I’ve told them along the way. The older two remember him and honestly, I’m not sure which is worse. It’s harder to miss what you don’t remember having. Yet, not having any memories is also hard.
God has been faithful, He has held me up when I thought I couldn’t go on. I couldn’t have done this life without knowing God was always there, just a whisper away.
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