Tomorrow will be two years to the day that Joe made his journey to be with Jesus. I have had some bad days leading up to this anniversary. September 29th was especially difficult for me, that being the anniversary of his heart attack. I have kept most of my bad days to myself because I feel that people look at me differently now that I am remarried. FYI being remarried does not take away the pain of being widowed. I will never not be Joe's widow.
So...tomorrow is another anniversary and so I am bracing myself for the emotions that are sure to come. I will spend a lot of tomorrow thinking about Joe and I will be sad for my children; for the time they missed with him. For the future they didn't get with him. I will give myself the day to be sad. I wont try to stop the feelings of hurt, sadness and even anger. It is when we put a lid on our emotions that they get stronger and stronger until they are finally pressurized enough to overwhelm us. So I will roll with the emotional tide and know that this too shall pass.
I don't think of this as planning to have a bad day or planning on being sad, I know that it will happen and I'm not going to pretend otherwise. There is nothing wrong with grieving. Even the Bible tells us this "Seeing the crowds, he went up on the mountain, and when he sat down, his disciples came to him. And he opened his mouth and taught them, saying: “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.".
So with this knowledge, I can face tomorrow.
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